Paolo & Donato’s Italian Deli, Liverpool

Some days I wake up phyically and mentally tired.  Exhausted.  Acing. Heart pounding.  Gutted that I am awake.  Somehow, I am still alive, and now I have a responsibility to live.  I have to find the energy, again, to get to the end of the day, again.  There was a phase when I would have just stayed in bed.  Now, I am able to convince myself to make myself vaguely presentable and go out.  I promise myself that it will be worth the effort; and I know the dread wont last forever. I know an hour of boogie bounce will help me breath. And I have a mission to complete.  I have to keep working my way thought the Liverpool Echo’s list of 9 best places to have ice cream in Liverpool.

By the time I have finish off my chocolate, and orange & biscuit ice cream from P&D Italian Deli, the imaginary hands that choke my throat starts to lose their grip.  More importantly, I am already thinking about which flavours I am going to try next time. The day doesn’t look like it will be so bad afterall.

My First Blog, Maddie’s Gelato and Waffle Bar

First, let get something straight.  I am not a foodie.  Foodies like to cook.  I usually end up charcoaling my food, and living off the ingredients I have in my freezer.  Foodies enjoy trying new restaurants and cafes. Whereas (till very recently) I dreaded going out.  I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   I had been a normal happy thirty year old, and then I wasn’t.  In recent years there have been times when I have been too depressed to leave my bed. I have been claustrophobic.  I have been agoraphobic.  I have cried over the stupidest things. I stopped eating. I spent most of my time on my own, or working out.   I did what I had to do to stay alive and survive.

Things have been changing very recently.  Yes, my group of friends have got smaller and smaller, but my relationships have got stonger. I dont get that dreaded feeling because I have to step outside my front door.   It has taken me over three years, but I want to live again!  I want to learn the cello! And attend a stainglass workshop!  I have my freedom back.

Last year, one of my friends suggested we work our way thought the nine best local places, according to the Liverpool Echo, to have icecream.  It has taken me a while to build up the courage, but a week ago we finally visited Maddie’s Gelato and Waffle Bar.  I had the Maddison Fruit Garden Waffle, and it was nice (told you I am not a foodie). This is the inspiration behind me starting this blog.  Now seems like the perfect time to start.  On Friday I am flying to Australia.  Over a three week period, I am hanging out with friends and family.  But I have 6 days on my own.  It had been years since I have travelled alone.  And I am scared that I will be too scared to leave the hotel. So here is my plan.  I am going to go to different icecream parlours; and pancakes houses; and try different puddings. I know a pudding cant make you happy; it cant give you a hug; and it cant make you feel free.  But an icecream sundae can make you excited; a pudding from your childhood can comfort you;  and the search for a taste sensesation will set me free.

Im a different person today than I was 4 years ago.  But one thing has remained the same.  I still love my puddings.